What's in a name?

They have to be running out of names by now. All the great names have been taken and that’s why you have horses with Nameslikethis. Think of it, Man of War, Count Fleet, Affirmed, and Citation. Secretariat, John Henry and Spinaway have all been taken and can’t be used again. This is why I’m opening a business called, Names by Johnnie. For a Fee, I will name your horse because horse names are everywhere I look.

I have a keen eye and can give out names like an Indian Chief. (Damn, that name is already taken) Proof it’s a hard job and worthy of a good fee that merits Every Penny. Think of it, your horse is coming down the stretch at the Kentucky Derby, “And HERE comes My Mother Carl?” No, you can’t have a horse called My Mother Carl.  But that’s what you’ll get if you let some stranger name your horse.

The name that would sound the best at Churchill Downs is Simply Said. Now there, that’s the name of a horse that just sounds like a winner. And a person would be proud to have their horse going around the clubhouse turn in front with a name like that. Simply Said can be your horse’s name for a Nominal Charge.

The more I think of it, My Mother Carl is the name of a good harness horse. Look at that, I’m branching out my business as we speak. Just looking around my Tax Exempted office, I see a few good names; ‘apictureofdad, Kranepool, and Moon Landing. But it’s not that easy so don’t think just anyone can do it. It’s a skill I have like auto body repair. I can name a good horse but I can’t repair a Dented Fender.

It’s true, not everyone has The Gift as I like to call it. It’s like being a Soothsayer or some other Middleearthcreature. I walk in the dark as if I were a Lone Wolf with the weight of the world on my shoulders naming pretend horses. Why Not Get Paid for it because I’m naming horses Left and Right.

Of course, any names published here are protected by Copyright Law 5-8-sec59, and it states, “Don’tstealmystuffman.” Yes, this is a pretty serious business and I hate to have My Nephew Attorney, Lawyer Mac involved in a Legal Mess since he’s only in his second year of law school. But I will, even if I have to Buy Him a Diploma.

Yes Sport Fans, I am in the horse naming business. And I got my first customer today. 14 year old Annie Francis of Stamford VT wants me to name her 4H horse that She Will Ride in competitions all across a tri state area. Of course I want to give her a special name Considering the Fact that Annie is my first client. So I gave her the name of a great horse-Beerforbreakfast. She looked a little disappointed at first and her dadwasalittleupset but that’s what The Gods Brought Forth. 

If you are a breeder, an owner, a trainer or someone looking to get into the racing game, let me name your next horse. Something like, Earl’s Buddy. Earl’s Buddy is a great name for a horse. It’s short, gives character, and could pay $8.80 on a Twodollarbet. Why do I see Earl’s Buddy at Del Mar two summers from now? Oh that’s right, I’m a Soothsayer.

~Written by Johnnie Carrier 

Johnnie Carrier is a freelance humor writer who, on advice from Lawyer Mac had to give Annie’s dad back his check, thusly making Beerforbreakfast available again. Johnniec5859@verizon.net