Cue the Kentucky Derby Entrance Songs
Like championship boxers, crime-fighting heroes, and Major League Baseball at bat entrances, it’s time Kentucky Derby entrants had their own theme songs while they parade by the grandstand. While most of the aforementioned music is either cliché or just poorly presented, some, like former Red Sox centerfielder Shane Victorino’s, Three Little Birds by Bob Marley, soothed frayed Fenway Park crowds following the Boston Marathon bombings in 2013.
While I attempt to transcend the ordinary, there are no guarantees, and since we won’t hear any such thing at Churchill Downs – there is a tradition of singing My Old Kentucky Home - allow me to DJ an imaginary Derby Post Parade. Each Derby hopeful gets music based on his connections, running style, breeding and/or what I may think of their Derby chances.
Girvin – Jambalaya, Hank Williams, 1952
There are a lot of wonderful things that come out of New Orleans including the title of this song – jambalaya, oh, but there’s so much more: muffaletta, beignets, gumbo, Bourbon Street, the Mississippi River, voodoo, Mardi Gras, and bars that open before church on Sunday. It is a place unto its own, unique self. It should be on everyone’s bucket list.
Unfortunately, it’s been 21 years since a Louisiana Derby winner exited the famed Fair Grounds racetrack on their way to earning a blanket of roses. Since Grindstone’s nose victory only two other LA Derby winners have even hit the board, Peace Rule (1993) and Gun Runner (2015).
So get some jambalaya and a stiff drink and just pray that Girvin breaks ranks with recent Fair Grounds to Churchill Downs failures.
Classic Empire – The Distance, Cake, 1996
Here in lies one of the only horses bred to go 10 furlongs or more. On his sire side you’ve got Pioneerof the Nile, multiple stakes winning sire including Triple Crown winner, American Pharoah; Empire Maker, second place finisher of the Kentucky Derby and Belmont Stakes winner and Unbridled, both Kentucky Derby and Breeders’ Cup Classic winner. While the dam’s side isn’t as top heavy on distance, Sambucca Classica has produced four winners and three stakes winners, so her runners win.
With so many colts showing either distance limitations or simply slow figures, Classic Empire is a stand out here.
Gormley – Family Affair, Sly and the Family Stone, 1971
Well, technically not a family, the ownership and trainer have brought you unlikely Kentucky Derby winner, Giacomo, and the historic mare, Zenyatta. Trainer John Shirreffs doesn’t race many these days, but does have a top Kentucky Derby contender here. In addition to aqua and pink silks emblazoned into Derby and Breeders’ Cup Classic history, owners Jerry and Ann Moss have campaigned horses earning more than $30 million, so they know their way around the sales and winner's circle ring.
As was the case in 2005, Gormley, like Giacomo will have to overcome underwhelming slow, speed figures and a slow coming home time in the Santa Anita Derby. Lucky for him, his connections have been here before and won at 50-1!
Irap – Rawhide, Blues Brothers, 1980
While this newly anointed winner – breaking his maiden in the Blue Grass Stakes, no less – has earned his way into the big dance, he’d have to be on a mission from God to win the Derby. More than the horse, the Brothers O’Neill – trainer Doug and bargain basement horse buyer Dennis - have made a formidable team. Starting with a modest $50,000 claim of Lava Man, who went onto to win more than $5 million in purses, all the way to Derby winners I'll Have Another and Nyquist, the O’Neill brothers have gotten it done on the biggest race days.
Irap picked out and purchased by Dennis for $300,000 now has a chance to make the O’Neills along with owner Paul Reddam, three time Derby winners. “Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don’t fail me now,” indeed.
Irish War Cry – Woke Up This Morning (Sopranos theme song), Alabama 3, 1997
This New Jersey-bred son of Curlin just may be the best thing to come out of the Garden State since the managing editor of Horse Racing Nation, Brian Zipse, circa 1969, with a close second being the series that so emulated organized crime that mob bosses from the shore wondered aloud how the Sopranos got the language, mentality, and maneuvering of the underworld just right. So with Bridgegate behind at least the Jersey citizenry, if not their beleaguered Trump punching bag/surrogate Chris Christie, Irish War Cry may just provide a much-needed ray of sunshine on New York’s southern neighbor.
At the very least, we know the Wood Memorial winner has already crossed over the GW Bridge with the only nuisance being traffic of the every day variety. We also know his talented, well-spoken Derby winning trainer, Graham Motion is more above board than a van full of nuns delivering alms to the poor.
Thunder Snow – Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For, U2, 1987
Like the rock playing lads from Ireland, Thunder Snow has an international flare within his Irish roots – where he was foaled from Australian, Irish, and British descent on his daddy’s side and primarily royal equine families on his mum’s.
Now, while U2 has aged well across their 30-plus years together, still rocking on tour, the UAE Derby winners have found Louisville a much more difficult course to compete on. In fact, only one UAE Derby winner has even cracked the top ten on the First Saturday in May – Regal Ransom in 2009 with a tenth place finish. Take a moment to fathom that, no UAE Derby runner has finished inside the top ten, let alone win. So while you may be intrigued by Thunder Snow’s seemingly easy win, don’t be fooled when he turns into a mirage after the Churchill gates open.
Always Dreaming – Dream On, Aerosmith, 1973
Look, I’m a fan of Todd Pletcher. I know he doesn’t care about this, and he shouldn’t. As a bettor, I am not fond of wagering on fast improving three-year-olds from the TAP barn heading into the Derby, and I had Super Saver on top for his lone Derby win from 45 starters.
We’ve also been here before with horses like Gemologist, Verrazano, Dunkirk, Overanalyze, etc. No doubt, Pletcher has the talent to get a herd horses to the Derby in 12 years and some, in short order. Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em may be his thinking, but in this case, dare I say the Bad Boys from Boston have it right, if you’re betting on the Florida Derby winner to repeat back on May 6.
Gunnevera – How Do You Like Me Now, The Heavy, 2009
Here it is, the equine-interest story of 143rd Kentucky Derby. This newly anointed millionaire has a story straight out of Dickens. The death of his mother during birth, an orphan reliant on nurse mares, a political refugee trainer and purchased for a mere $16,000 as a yearling. I can write no more for this two-time graded stakes winner and sure to be fan favorite on the First Saturday in May.
Practical Joke – The Joker, Steve Miller Band, 1973
Straight forward here. Nice horse, better two-year-old season than three-year-old and yet to win in 2017. He’s a decent sort like Steve Miller himself, a one-trick pony who was better earlier in his career than later.
J Boys Echo – Nowhere Man, Beatles, 1965
Trainer Dale Romans has never met a horse he doesn’t love. An incredible optimist, who has conditioned a couple of three-year-old long shot Grade I stakes winners in Shackleford, 13-1, Preakness, and 16-1 Travers champ Keen Ice over Triple Crown winner American Pharoah. He’s also saddled Paddy O’Prado and Dullahan to on-the-board Derby finishes.
After beating a bunch of non-Kentucky Derby starters in the Gotham and then losing to a maiden in the Blue Grass, methinks a likely, mid-pack, off-the-board Kentucky Derby finish.
State of Honor – Sundown, Gordon Lightfoot, 1974
Oh so many Canadian acts to choose from to represent this oft second place finishing Canadian son. There was Loverboy (Working for the Weekend), Rush (Tom Sawyer), Neil Young (Rockin' in the Free World) and sentimental choice, The Tragically Hip, our neighbors to the North’s house band. If I was high on this son of To Honor and To Serve, I’ve might have chosen Bachman Turner Overdrive (You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet) or if I was down on Florida Derby runner up, The Band (The Weight).
Really not expecting too much, so taking low and slow from Mr. Lightfoot. At least The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald wasn’t the choice here.
Conquest Mo Money – If I Had a Million Dollars, Barenaked Ladies, 1988
Here’s a horse I’d love to play in the Derby! Alas, it won’t happen because he wasn’t nominated on time. If his owners, Judge Lanier Racing, wanted him to go it would have cost a cool $200,000 for a late entry, which they aren’t doing. Instead Tom and Sandra McKenna will await a smaller Preakness field and save some dough by entering their $8,500 purchase for $150,000.
Tapwrit – Fool’s Gold, Fitz and the Trantrums, 2013
If you’re dishing out $1.2 million for a horse, you’ve got to expect a stakes win – check – enough qualifying points to get into the Kentucky Derby – check – and the expectation to actually win the biggest race of the year – not so much. Who knows maybe the fifth place Blue Grass Stake's finisher will earn a blanket of roses, Black-Eyed Susans or carnations, but he’s yet to show such talent.
Malagacy – We Won’t Get Fooled Again, The Who, 1973
Please see Always Dreaming.
Hence – Wild Wild West, Will Smith, 1999
It was between Will Smith, Kool Moe Dee and the Escape Club and here we get the first two for the price of one. Although looking back just 18 short years ago at this video, it now looks and feels dated. Not the Fresh Prince’s best stuff.
As the heretofore, top gun of the New Mexican desert, Hence exits the Sunland Derby with at least a final prep race win in his holster. The Grade III affair and marque event for Sunland Park came up strong with fourth place finisher, Irap, coming back to win the Bluegrass Stakes and runner up Conquest Mo Money, returning to finish a gutsy second in the Arkansas Derby. Thus, I do believe he’s worth a first, second, and third look.
Fast and Accurate – Hurts So Good, John Mellencamp, 1982
Maybe the second time will be a charm for owner Kendell Hansen – the good doctor that runs pain clinics. When we last saw Dr. Hansen take this route five years ago with his namesake Hansen, the owner provided a bit of sideshow. He threatened to dye his almost ghost white horse’s tail blue before the Bluegrass Stakes, arrived to tracks with Robert Palmer like girls on his arms and tossed squeaky toy Hansens to the crowd. A Kentucky Derby win wasn’t meant to be then and it’s not meant to be now.
This son of said namesake has climbed from $30,000 claiming tag to Grade III Spiral Stakes win in his last three starts. Good for him and Dr. Hansen! Enjoy the seats at Churchill.
McCraken – Keep on Pushing, The Impressions, 1973
Among a handful of once-undefeated three-year-olds, McCracken comes to Churchill with a third place finish behind a former maiden turned Grade II Stakes winner, Irap. This either spells doom for the Ian Wilkes trainee or just a slip on his road to the Derby. Who knows really, but with a decent break, some early foot to stay out of trouble and just enough speed to track early leaders, he’s got a real shot.
Battle of Midway – 1812 Overture, Tchaikovsky performed by the Boston Pops, Annual
If there’s one thing we know about this lightly raced son of Smart Strike, it’s his trainer doesn’t frivolously send graded stakes winners anywhere. A 2011 Racing Hall of Fame inductee, Jerry Hollendorfer has owned the northern California racing circuit for a long time, and he’s had more than his share of outstanding horses including last year’s three-year-old Eclipse Award winning filly, Songbird, and 2012’s two-year-old Champion, Shared Belief among them.
With a handful of Derby runners to his name, his best finish Chocolate Candy’s 5th in 2009, Hollendorfer has had injuries cloud some of his better potential Derby starters including Shared Belief. So take what you want from the trainer’s patience and low key personality, but if he’s coming to Louisville, he should be on your tickets.
Patch – Let’s Go Crazy, Prince, 1984
Three lifetime races, really?!?! This begs the question: when will we get a horse with a mere two-race history into the Derby. Not for me, how about you? “Oh no, let’s go crazy! Let’s get nuts.”
Battalion Runner – One Step Up, Bruce Springsteen, 1988
The level of inexperience in this year’s Kentucky Derby seems inexplicable or maybe it’s just of the sign of the times – whoops that should be included in Patch’s assessment – that Thoroughbreds prepping for the Derby will race fewer and fewer times with maybe just one hoof dipped into stakes company before diving into the very deep Kentucky Derby pool. But listen, if half the field has similar racing credentials, they all can finish like $25,000 claimers in a battle of attrition for the top spot.
If you'd got a theme music suggestion pop it in the comments. DJ out!