Big Girls Pony Club TV Pilot

I must belong to a bunch of equine fan pages as every now and then a question is posed about favorite colts, favorite fillies, all-time greats, racehorse books and best track experiences. Asking me a question is akin to requesting a plot as I cannot seem to limit myself and I blather on and on and on about the why of everything in racing. I can do Coca-Cola versus Pepsi easy just as there is no competition to Tobacco Road basketball (Tarheels) unless the Wildcats are playing them and then I watch Bill O’Reilly and talk to the flat screen. So I have decided that this blog will conjure up my concept of a ‘good thing broadcast of horse tips, recipes, gossip and race wear’ as a summer replacement while Captain Pick-Em goes off to Saratoga.

Two years ago, I assisted Catherine Masters of the Women’s Horse Industry Network with the scripting and pitch to the Jockey Club on a cable TV program called “Luck Be a Lady” starring the fabulous Donna Brothers. This one is a tad lighter as any sport requires levity from time to time. Ours requires downright silliness and I try to fill that void. Titles for this new hit are welcome in the succeeding comment section…except the person that keeps advertising on-line work is specifically not invited. My ace advisor on ‘all things cute’ and co-host would be my track-side bestie, the lovely Jo-an McDowell, the Churchill Downs Paddock mayor, mixologist at Silks and one of the most popular ladies in Looeyvul.

My show will lead off with a table prayer by my Pastor Steve Johnson from Proctorville Baptist Church or the illustrious Hall of Fame track pilot, Pat Day who can lay some Holy Bible on my audience. I would encourage Pastor Steve to utilize a bit of my Grand-Pop’s personalization of his blessings as he was known for his Happy Lewis-ized prayerful salutes to the food on the table, my tap ability, please-don’t-let-him-cuss or anything in praise of his wife Blanche and their daughter, the beautiful Anne. He was convinced that Jesus was pleased with any assistance in specifics. Something like this would set the tone.

Then we would move on to horse race schedules and handicapping picks from Brian Zipse at the Spa or other tracks that he gets to go to (silly bloggers do not get media passes) as queried by my favorite Churchill Downs employee, Paddock Mayor Jo-an McDowell with occasional input from that Mike dude, jockey agent and retired jockey/PDJF advocate Walter Blum and NU YAWK handicapper, Buck Grottano. I have always wanted to figure out a way to clock Buck’s chat speed or maybe have a match chat-race with Bill O’Reilly set to the back-drop of Dale Roman’s dead-pan expressions. Now that is good TV.

Occasionally, I might step into camera range to update our viewers on anything Chromie-ized, AP’s prospective foal count and the latest comment section blood feud which is one columnist’s technique for his readership polling according to track photographer Ryan Brady. Before we head into the race wear strut-fest, the jockey valet and fav Cajun (next to the D’s and Calvin) will head up “Rich Guidry on Golf” with his matchless technique and traveling six handicap (as he tells it). I just figured that with race wear (outside of bow ties) there had to be a man thingee except I have found my irons to make cute crutches on occasion when I fall off my heels.

Of course Jo-an and me will discuss hats on every show as we loooove to talk about hats and what is the tackiest of behaviors. One year we made a bunch of them for “Race for Grace” KRTC’s Derby week event and Mrs. Kenny Troutt (WinStar) was so sweet that she even bought some to support the Kentucky Race Track Chaplaincy.

And of course…we will have a cooking segment where we can have some fun and lure in new viewers. I will have a guest along with the mayor and myself and that kitchen will be hot, hot, hot. I have already asked jockey Miguel Mena to do one of these shows (I don’t think he believes me). Richard Guidry also has committed to sharing his Nu Awluns shrimp etoufee.

Miguel has to bring his children, tiny curly-headed girls that are possibly the cutest children on the planet. They can teach me some Spanish so that I can understand what the grooms are telling me when I ask for a tip.

My show will close with a bit on ‘Do-over Interviews” built around second chances to say the most innocuous thing when that NBC guy baits you. Jo and I are hoping for Steve Coburn as he is really a good sport and we both like him and the Missus Steve (love her). They gave us Junior (C. Chrome’s barn name) and that punches the all-time pass for us.

Artistic assistance and direction will be provided by the cartoon phenomena and behavior coach, A.E. Sabo. Guest appearances will depend on qualifying a sense of humor test.

And for everyone headed to Saratoga…well, bless your hearts. You will love it…from the doin’s to the soirees and yes…those tasty picnics. Miss Edna’s Fried Chicken is a sit down yum-a-thon. Mine is comparable. A G.R.I.T.S lady (girls raised in the South) is taught early to fry chicken along with stroking her Daddy’s cheek and tapping.

Miss Blanche’s Fried Chicken

Equipment: large cast iron skillet, cooling rack set on jelly roll pan, tongs,2 rolls paper towel, can of Crisco

Ingredients: 1-2 cut-up chickens

¾ cup kosher salt

Water to cover by 2 inches

Combine rinsed chicken and salt in a large plastic tub and cover with cool water. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for a day or two.

The Business: 2-3 eggs beaten with a slosh of clean water, buttermilk if handy (never is)

In a separate flat dish combine

2-3 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp onion powder, salt, pepper, Old Bay

(If making spicy chicken, use a pkg of Taco mix)

Dry off chicken and dip into egg batter and then dredge once in the dry mixture. Get all chicken dredged once and re-dip in egg. If you possess a deep-fryer you may skip the double-dip. Chill for 10 minutes or so. The chilling is the trick as it makes a crunchier crust ala Miss Edna’s. Throw out yucky flour.

Place 2 cups of flour, salt and pepper into a brown paper bag. Using a few pcs at a time shake your chicken. Music accompaniment helps this activity. Complete all pieces.

Heat ½ can or so of Crisco or lard in that cast iron skillet until a drop of water makes it spatter. Test a pc. of chicken for burn time or even a pc. of white bread. Start with 5-8 min. for each side…should be enough to be golden. Do not crowd the pan…key tip. Deep fryers work well with peanut oil yet I was knee-babied on the Crisco/cast iron technique.

Remove chicken pieces and place on cookie rack until all frying is complete. Paper towel underneath the cookie rack catches the fall-off grease. Extra paper bags are great as well.

Bake fried chicken at 350 degrees to make sure that you have cooked through. About 10 minutes. Cutting into thighs to check for pink is a good idea…otherwise you are good to drain again. I like fried chicken at room temperature, hence the copious draining.

This recipe takes time and practice. I have fooled with it enough to write a chapter. Soaked the raw chicken in buttermilk, sweet milk, Lite beer and club soda on separate occasions. Good but not as good as plain brine.

Ladies and Gents…spatter marks go with the territory. That is for vinegar, Bactine and gloves to conquer.

Make good fried chicken is an art. So is making good gravy…and here we go with that.

Chicken Gravy

Drain off fat in pan leaving about ¾ to 1 cup. Leave in your cracklings…this makes your gravy tasty. Add a pat of cold butter to soften and turn down your burner to medium. Add ½ cup of flour to pan and commence whisking until a brown paste is formed…about 3 minutes until flour is cooked through. Add 1 cup liquid (water or chicken broth) and stir until smooth and thick. Add more liquid, a cup at a time and stir for a few minutes until you achieve the desired thickness and flavor. Season to taste and let gravy come to a boil. Remove from heat. Serve over mash potatoes, white rice, biscuits or fries.

Otherwise…when in Saratoga…just go to Miss Edna’s. And say hi to Brian.

Cartoon provided by A.E. Sabo of Off The Pace